Dear Anxiety Poem

Manifest Publishing, LLC; Zandria White 2019© All rights reserved.

This material is protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited.

All I want is peace so I can move forward
but you’re a selfish coward
hoping I give up and say I can no longer take this
but that’s too easy and I refuse to let you win
I get cold sweats in my sleep
even with the AC 
Accepting broken love
from those that don’t deserve it
Over and over I fight myself
why bother picking up the pieces.
My heart steady race
I fletch for no reason
I’m Always afraid
I dream constantly of
someone kidnapping me
and although it was once my reality
eight years still seems like yesterday
and as I pray 
when I take these pills he will find me and let me go
but it only brought me closer to his fist and hands around my throat 
Given so much drugs
I forgot who I was
and sometimes I’m judged 
and laugh at
like I wanted that 
they say why I never went to the police
as if we share 
the same shoes 
in my captivity
But on another note I am idolized for being on top
but I’ll climb back to the bottom 
just to get you to stop 
Dear anxiety 
I refuse to still feel like a traffic slave
I’m standing here, why must I feel like I’ve died that day 
when all I wanted was to go back home 
but he said die or stay
I’m glad I never lost hope
but you make it so hard to trust anyone
so I don’t even seek help.
I started to feel like I deserved this,
so at one point I blame myself
my heart has so many holes
I’ve been so afraid to tell my story
but it’s time I release
you and let go
I’m tired of going to the store just to forget what I came here for
Can’t go outside past six
because my mind says it’s about to happen again 
in the dark who is my witness
More tears from my mom eyes like
where are you
where did you go
where have you been
Dear anxiety I refuse to be your victim
they can continue to judge me 
I’m make a difference
With or without them
I am here today to take a stand
for everyone that never spoke up 
in those still in 
it’s called the game for reason baby girl 
and I’m sorry that you never 
got Love at home
But the promises he gives you it’s all pretend because in reality those
black eyes and bruises 
or not worth it
And as for you anxiety
I’m done with you lingering around me like a envious friend
cause last time I checked happiness starts from within
So trust me, stay home
and listen to your parents
Cause you can be the next Jane doe
Who couldn’t get out or take it no mo’
a unmarked grave,
Or like my friend Nicole
Who was found under
the bed at
that hotel
Didn’t make it see 18
plastic wrap from head to knees
around her throat
Scratches and rope
If only we lived in a better world
and humans no longer were priced
so for now, starting today
I claim victory over victim
Free from anxiety and no longer afraid.